Ninja's odds of death
by Fenristhewlf
Summary: a ninja's destiny is to die... but some death's are funnier than others. heres my list of hilarious shinobi death's involving the main characters of naruto. oneshot, updated! with 50 percent more death


back due to popular demand, sorry if anything under sasuke isn't all that funny, but i wasn't really motivated, oo ero-sennis isn't bad though

Fenris's list of probable Shinobi deaths:

Lee: Repeatedly punched to death while attempting midair sex with another martial arts master from the mist.

Neji: long hair was twisted around his neck while he was eating, simultaneously choked and strangled to death because he was too proud to ask for help.

Chouji: Entire family killed in their sleep by weight watchers for not sharing with the world that they had a pill that made you instantly thin.

Itachi: after defeating his brother in a grossly uneven match-up again, he and his fishy partner go to an Italian restaurant. He chokes to death on a meatball, his partner thinks he's making a joke and proceeds to call out that "Itachi, missing nin and destroyer of the uchia clan is dead, I'm helpless to attack!" after Itachi actually does die, his partner gets brutally raped by every jounin within earshot.

Sakura: while in conversation with her other self she is mistaken for a crazy person and is sent off to a mental asylum, but its okay, cause she gets an extra pudding cup on Tuesdays.

Orochimaru and Kabuto: They get in a drunken brawl with Michel Jackson and Maculy Kulkin over who stole whose pale, black haired pedophile, with ambiguously gay sidekick shtick.

Gai: gave life in battle against sound, blinded their army with his bright teeth, but burned out his own eyes in the process, died when he mistook an oddly-shaped cactus for Lee and hugged it, getting a needle-hole infected.

Tenten: the fabric of time suddenly snapped back to normal around her, died from blood loss from 1000 scratches as all of her weapons suddenly popped out of whatever pocket dimension she put them in.

Hinata: at her surprise party, while trying to say 'thank you' to everybody, gets embarrassed and stutters herself into a terminal coma.

Kiba: gets rabies, his team gets the kid from 'old yeller' to put him down.

Shino: after living in peace with his bugs for 33 years, he gets a collective case of the heebie-jeebies that's so potent his heart stops.

Temari: during a hot desert day, she fans herself, not remembering what her fan does, blows herself into Gaara… I'll let you paint the picture from there.

Kankuro: swallows his lipstick while redoing his makeup and chokes.

Kakashi: drowns in his own blood when his rubber face mask fills up from a massive nosebleed brought on by seeing Naruto's harem no jutsu.

Genma and Shizune: While making out in the back room, they swallow each others hidden mouth weapons and bleed to death internally.

Sasuke: when he finds out a meatball killed his brother he has a brain aneurism.

Naruto: On the day he finally becomes hokage he makes a grand announcement along the lines of "Ha! Didn't recognize my existence huh? Well I'm in charge now! HAHAHA!" during which he stands on the balcony, not realizing it had been recently waxed, Naruto slips off into members of the band, gets his head stuck in a tuba and gets his ears fatally blown out by a loud g-major chord.

Asuma: decided to switch from zigzags to crack. During a crack high he decides to grab Tsunades ass. Dies from terminal finger flicking

Jiraiya: His book finally reaches his dream. Joining Oprah's book club! However, as he is being interviewed by the host, the doors are locked and all the girls Jiraiya got his 'inspiration' from are brought in from the back, dies from 2376 consecutive kicks to the groin.

Shikamaru: while feeding his deer, his hair is mistaken for a lump of hay/whatever deer's like, and he is proceededly attacked by every deer that sees the back of his head. Attempts to reason with the deer (cause Shikamaru's too lazy to run the hell away) and makes the deer INSANE (everybody knows deer hate too be reasoned with) and is kicked back and forth like a doll for two hours. This doesn't kill him, but it does make him late for his date with Ino. I think everyone can guess what killed the genius.

Ino: Asuma decides to train his teams speed by making them dodge bees, not realizing as he chucks the beehive that Ino worked at a flower shop. The beehive explodes, releasing hundreds of angry bees that head for the most pleasant smell.

Kurenai: commits suicide when she realizes the sum total of all the female genin's accomplishments were too be beaten or too push the males along with failure.

Gaara: After a hard workout of killing an entire village, kicks back too relax with some grapefruit juice, not realizing, since he is from a place without grapefruit, that he is allergic to it. Dies when his throat seals shut, but takes everything in a 5 mile radius down with him


End file.
